Switched at Birth

Temper tantrum- “an emotional outburst, usually associated with children or those in emotional distress, that is typically characterized by stubbornness, crying, screaming, yelling, shrieking, defiance, angry ranting, a resistance to attempts at pacification and, in some cases, violence”, as defined by the always reputable Wikipedia. Whoa. It’s incredible the type of scene one toddler can make. I recall making a few scenes of my own as a child… Admit it, we all did at one point or another. I would get angry with my mother for no apparent reason. Maybe I wasn’t sure what we were fighting about, but I knew that she was wrong and I was right. Seriously, I knew. Nobody’s consolation could get through to me. On more than one occasion I even played the adoption card: “You’re not even my mom! I was probably adopted and you’re lying to me about it so GO AWAY!” In my elementary school-mind, it was completely rational to believe that I was being duped. My family wasn’t my family. My mom wasn’t my mom. So therefore, I could get as angry as I wanted with her. My stubbornness, crying, screaming, yelling, and shrieking were justified.

Now that I’m 18 and a little less delusional (but only a little less), I’m fairly certain that I wasn’t adopted. And I never use that as justification to be angry with my parents. In fact, as I get older, it becomes more and more obvious that I am my mother and father’s daughter. It kind of grosses me out how many of their little habits I’ve picked up: my dad’s fast-paced walk, my mom’s awkward laugh. But what if the certainty I have was suddenly challenged? What if I actually was adopted? Or stranger still, switched at birth? For Marti Miller and Sue McDonald, that wasn’t a “what if”– it was their reality. I recently listened to an episode of “This American Life” in which the story of these two women was told. Marti Miller was born to Kay McDonald, but went home with Mary Miller. Sue McDonald was born to Mary Miller, but went home with Kay McDonald. For 43 years, this information was kept secret. Mary Miller, upon returning home from the hospital, had a suspicion that it wasn’t her daughter she had brought home. But for a multitude of reasons, she did nothing …for forty-three years. In 1994, Mary finally revealed the secret to both daughters and to Kay, turning each family’s world completely upside down.

The events that took place between these two families stirred thoughts within me about the relationship between parents and their children. What has more influence over a child- his or her genes or the environment in which he or she was raised? I pose to you the classic question of nature vs. nurture. When we touched on this topic in AP Psychology in high school, I was firmly in the nature camp, believing that babies are like moldable balls of clay- they can be shaped in any which way. However, this story has me thinking otherwise. As the girls matured, the switch became obvious, not only in each girl’s physical traits, but in their dispositions. Both daughters testified that they felt out of place in their families growing up. Sue was serious, shy, and nervous but was raised by two laid-back, humorous parents. Marti was a bubbly, outgoing jokester amongst a family of somber intellectuals.

What I found particularly interesting was Sue’s description of her relationship with her brother, Bob. She and Bob were never close, for they simply had nothing in common, even though they were raised in nearly identical fashions. When the baby-switch came to light, Bob contacted his biological sister, Marti, and they clicked right away. To this day they remain very good friends. Even more powerful are Sue’s religious beliefs. Her biological father was an evangelical preacher. Although she was not raised in his household, she said her religious and spiritual beliefs align more closely with those of her biological parents than those of the parents she grew up with. To have something as abstract as religion prove to be so innate is certainly a strong argument for those in the nature camp.

The nature vs. nurture debate could go on indefinitely. I used to find myself on the nurture side, but now I’m not entirely sure. This story has made me reconsider the debate entirely. To listen to the show and explore this issue for yourself, click here.

By: Rachel Blumenstein

(Photo courtesy of sxc.hu)