Whether it’s the waiting, the bus rides, the isolation, or the abundance of food stealing critters, everyone seems to have some reason to hate North Campus. Knowing this, I realize I’m fighting an uphill battle when defending my beloved home. The very fact that there is someone out there who loves this forgotten part of U of M will surely stun some readers. However, I assure you that many people like me exist. We are proud of what many consider our North Campus stigma.

How is best to defend such a universally despised sector of the U of M? As I contemplate this question, I discover that my English class starts in 15 minutes. I quickly gather my stuff, run out the door, and miss the bus. Darn. Never fear though, less than 5 minutes later, another comes rolling right up.

It’s now 11:00, class starts in 10 minutes in Angel Hall. To the uniformed, arriving on time is a lost cause. To the experienced North Campus student, this is no problem. After 7 minutes, (that’s right) the bus stops at CC Little, and I walk briskly towards Angel. At 11:09 I’m in a seat awaiting my professor. Some might call this experience reckless. I call it Monday. Even to the least energetic among us, North Campus poses no problem for early morning classes.

I wake up the next day (with 20 minutes to spare!) and head out for my programming class. I walk down a quiet road surrounded by trees and flowers. I might as well be in the Arb. As I stroll along, I encounter a group of friendly deer. Yep, deer. After living with generations of animal loving students, these normally shy creatures have become nearly as fearless as the Diag squirrels. I elicit little more than a sideways glance from them as I walk by. They listen to me complain about how no one appreciates North Campus until I reach the edge of the woods. For those who have never walked to class with a deer, trust me, it’s just as cool as it sounds. You should try it sometime.

“…oh you don’t have a video game archive on Central? How sad.”

Since it’s kind of chilly, I pass through Pierpont Commons, which connects itself to the Duderstadt Library. Since I’ve got 15 minutes left, I ride the escalator to the second floor and indulge in some video games. Oh, you don’t have a video game archive on Central? How sad. While you dodge traffic on State Street, I play GoldenEye 007.

When class ends, I head over to the North Campus Recreation Building. Even though it’s 4 pm, the only crowded spot is the elliptical room (must be the abundance of engineers and music students up here).

I enjoy the weight room with only a handful of others. Well look at the time, it’s pushing 9 now, and better yet, it’s Friday.

I hop on the next bus down to Central and enjoy the evening. Around 2:45am, I decide it’s time to go to bed and make my way back to CC Little, jumping on the first bus that pulls up.
I have just entered the legendary “Drunk Bus.” Imagine a crazy house party, full of the most intoxicated people you’ve ever met, on wheels. Hilarious.

I get off the bus and walk towards my beloved Cross House. I’m exhausted, and in no mood to deal with hordes of drunk students shouting beneath my window all night. Luckily, I can sleep easily knowing that fully 50% of North just spent their weekend in the library studying for their next engineering exam. Ah, bliss.

The next day, I walk past several bustling Ultimate Frisbee games and head into Bursley’s sprawling cafeteria. Here, the great Sexy G serves up good eats and life advice, all with a happy demeanor and a mustache to rival Chuck Norris. Anyone who has gotten food from Sexy G knows, it just tastes better here.

After lunch, I walk back outside and see my little deer friend wandering between the endless amounts of trees dotting the immense natural landscape. I pass three huge fields hosting three separate soccer games. Who knows, I might even skip stones on the Music School’s pond (it looks like a piano from the sky!). I see another bus drop off more students. Some look bewildered. It’s easy to tell the North Campus rookies. If they just had a little experience, they’d think twice about bashing this truly wonderful place.

Picture yourself on a bus – a hellish bus. You know the one. You are shoved against 10 other people, struggling to stay upright as the bus lurches at each stop. The trip drags on and on as you wait for your time to be released from the confines of the horrible metal contraption. But at least your destination is a pleasant one, right? Somewhere like the mall, Disney World, or at least the Union which offers a plethora of delicious fast food. Wrong. You’re going to a barren wasteland named North Campus.
What gives me the right to trash North Campus? I am an Engineering sophomore and have been enduring North Campus for almost 2 years. I have learned all the pros and cons, and let me tell you, there are mostly cons.

Not only is the bus ride a major pain, but North Campus itself is just an unsocial place. Looking for an exciting party on North? Well, you’re out of luck, because there are none. Trust me, nothing interesting happens there. I’ve heard students make up weekly parades just to make North Campus sound more appealing. Guess what? No one comes to these parades. You know why? Because North Campus sucks.

Another problem I have with North Campus – feces. I typically watch where I walk, but I have often fallen victim to carefully concealed piles of poop. Geese droppings are the most prevalent, but students need to be careful to avoid the little pebbles left behind by deer and rabbits. I absolutely love animals, but not the messes they leave behind. Nature should be viewed, not stepped in. While I enjoy the surprise of seeing a goose or deer in the city, I really don’t want to deal with the surprise that I later find on my shoe.

Then there’s the North Campus curfew. Now wait a second. Didn’t you leave home so that you wouldn’t have a curfew? Well, this curfew isn’t set by mommy and daddy. This curfew depends solely on the buses which stop running at 2 am on weekdays and 3 am on weekends. I thoroughly enjoy the freedom that college has to offer, and I by no means want to cut back on my weekend partying so that I can make the last bus. I have watched many of my friends, reluctant and near tears, leave an exciting party to catch the North bus. Let’s face the facts. The North Campus bus has ‘cock-blocked’ many a horny college student. No one wants their cock blocked, literally or figuratively. So not only are you being unwillingly dragged away from a rare chance to get lucky, but you’ve also doomed yourself to riding the ‘Vomit Comet.’

The Vomit Comet needs no introduction. But for those of you who’ve been fortunate enough to have avoided North Campus, let me describe it for you. It’s a bus filled with drunken people. This may sound like a fun continuation of the party you just left. No, little one, this is not so. The line between good and evil on this bus is drawn between happy drunks and angry drunks. The happy drunks are singing The Victors or Sweet Caroline. The angry drunks are yelling and trying to fight the happy drunks.

Other than being drunk, there is something the two groups share in common. They’ve both lost control of their ability to hold in their fluids. It’s inevitable that someone on the Vomit Comet will throw up or wet themselves. Am I exaggerating? I wish I was. The messy culprit might get tossed off the bus, but this still leaves you with a bus full of puke and a good 15 minutes before you can get the hell out.

North Campus is not a pleasant place. You shouldn’t even want to visit. Here’s my final warning. Take it from someone who has class there everyday, North Campus destroys souls.